All My Pics

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Key West vacation

This vacation tops all others. Nothing is structured, yet you're still out and about doing the things you enjoy. Our little cottage is quaint and adorned with several paintings and plants. The beds are unbelievably comfy - once you sleep in one, you'll never want to get up. The culture is much more relaxed and friendly than that of our redneck town back home. Most of the good clothing shops sell things that make you feel as if you're wearing a work of art (the other ones make you look like a slut, douche bag or a bad parent). Most of the guys here are really hot, but unfortunately almost all of them are gay. But that's alright, gay men are fun to talk to. Out on Duvall Street at night, it's pretty amusing to see just how trashed everyone gets. The good thing is we haven't encountered a drunk person yet who isn't friendly. According to the locals, the best time to drink and party is "every single freakin' night". I can't imagine what it will be like tonight - happy New Year, party people! Apparently a drag queen is going to be lowered down on a rope from an oversized conch shell suspended in the air. Should be interesting. Anyway here's some pictures from the trip do far.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

The Church During Advent

We tiptoed up the steps
Onto the hushed balcony
Looming over the church worship center.
A band of young students
Instruments in laps
Sat silently awaiting their cue to play.
The conductor himself
An eccentric man indeed.
If ever a man could become one with the music, it was he.
He perched his hands
Above his head
As if the air would release them in time with the music.
The first bells rang
And the ode commenced.
The timpani boomed out to each and every ear.
The piano keys
Bobbed up and down
When two familiar voices rose out of the medley.
The guitarist man
And the lady in purple.
Their voices linked hands and sang out in unison.
His eyes were accented
With wrinkles from laughter.
His drawl that sounded of a slow-flowing creek.
Her eyes, like that
Of a mothering doe.
Round, wide, and seeing for miles.
They sang of the story
Of the first Noel
When God sent our savior in the form of a baby.
The hymn then ceased
And came to a close.
The last bits of music faded away with grace.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Hate to say I told you so, BUT...

So, folks, I suppose that you remember my post about my wonderful encounter with Coach O'Niell when I confronted her about our group dance? Yeah. Well, based on the praise we received from the audience, it turns out that her highness - (gasp) - was, believe it or not, WRONG. My first thought we walked onto the gym floor was "all right guys, if we screw up, just laugh it off and act like nothing happened." As it turned out, we had nothing to fear. As soon as we began our first segment of the dance, the crowd of students erupted into applause. Before we knew it countless people were fist pumping to the beat, shouting out "WOOHOO" followed by one of our names. I was surprised to hear mine called out several times. Every time the remix (that I made and am very proud of) faded out and switched to another segment of a song, there was an immediate round of whooping and cheering. We undoubtedly received the biggest applause of all the groups. Coach O'Niell's expression when we were finished just made my day. Not one muscle in her face attempted to hide just how furious she was that the crowd had loved our dance so much, while she had spent weeks turning her nose up at it in any way possible. Every day something else was bad about it. Then we perform for the people whose opinions actually matter to us, and we get the most rewarding reaction we could have asked for. Coach can suck it.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

4 things NOT to buy online

So, lately, I've had some REALLY bad online shopping experiences lately, what with holiday shopping and all. And I've since realized that there are definitely some products you have to buy in stores. Here's my list of 4: 1. Makeup. For one, you have no sure way of determining the shade of anything because it all looks different on a screen. Often times the picture only shows you a solid color, not showing the texture or sheen of the makeup. There's no way of knowing how well the product blends or how natural it looks - sometimes you can't trust the reviews because others use different brushes and some are better at applying the product than others. Another problem: say some kind of chemical irritates your skin, or you have an allergy. Can't read the ingredients (at least not on every site I've checked). You can't sample anything. There are just so many factors involved that you can't test online. 2. Fragrance. That's pretty self explanatory - can't try the scent! Unless you've sampled the perfume/cologne in a magazine or store before, and you remember liking it, then this is a really dumb thing to do. Period. 3. Clothes. Especially pants, because everyone is built so differently in their lower body. Even if you know the brand and know your size, the pants could still end up not flattering you. Some brands run large and some small. Sometimes the way the pants are made just fets too tight in one area, and maybe it's got this one feature on it that's really unappealing, and it never ahowed up in the online picture. Shirts are less risky because they're usually more conforming to one's specific shape, but can still end you up dissapointed when you recieve the package. Shoes - again, different sizes for different brands. 4. Cheap designer goods. If you see an ad telling you about these Gucci jewelry and Burberry handbags for ridiculously low prices, that should be a big red flag with "counterfeit" written all over it. Chances are, if it sounds too good to be true, it is. And now you know. Thanks for reading!

This really hurt to hear

So, in 7th period today (a dance class I was put into regardless of my elective choices) each of our groups had to perform our own choreographed dances in front of coach O'Niell and the rest of the class. Of course, it had to be on the day when we are missing 3 people from our group, including the only one of us who has any dancing talent whatsoever. It ended up only being two of us, just me and a girl who's been absent a lot this year. Because of her absence, we had spent a lot of time trying to get her caught up on the choreography. I'm going to be completely honest with you, and I guaruntee you the other girl would say the same about herself: I am neither coordinated nor graceful in any way, point blank. I just don't dance. But, since I'm in this class, I'll do what I can. After mustering up the courge to get out in the center of the gym to perform our barely-practiced dance, practically on my own, I got up there and dis my best to remember to stick to the beat and remember the moves. I think I did alright at first, but then I got off beat after the other girl accidentally tripped. It would have been no big deal, if it weren't for our killjoy of a gym teacher, coach O'Niell, glaring right at us. At last we finished the dance. And you know what we recieved as feedback after weeks of working, editing, and creating the custom music and dance moves? Insults. From the teacher herself. All I got to hear about was how short it was and how sloppy it looked - right to my face in front of the entire gym period. The second after I attempted to explain the reason for something, she cut me off and retorted back at me with one of the harshest things I've ever heard from a teacher, and I quote: "You know what? No, you listen to me, that was painful, downright painful, for me to watch. The entire audience is sitting here wincing at how awful that looked. Even though that was only a 2-minute piece, I was just waiting for it to end. And if you don't get that dance cleaned up by tomorrow, your entire group has zeros for their mid-term exam grade." Even after that verbal punch in the stomach, I pulled myself together enough to calmly ask her if it was mandatory we perform for the school. Again, she answered that we would all have zeros if we didn't. I was inclined to say "Well, you're obviously embarrased to have me as a student... After all, if I'm not going to be your pride and joy, why show it off to the audience?!". Good Lord. And I have that woman next semester too...

Florida's new divorce laws: more hell for me

So, recently, state courts changed the divorce laws here so that they now do not entitle the main caregiver to nearly as much child support as previously. My parents are about to separate, and it's getting ugly. Since my father refuses to let go of his unnessecary grudge toward my mother, who did nothing, he refuses to give any more child support than is required by the law. He has some stupid paranoia that my mother is going to use that money for her own benefit. What a typical male - understands nothing of how selfless a mother becomes when it comes down to the well being of her children. Basically, this leaves him free as a bird to spend his $200,000 annual salary on whatever he pleases, on his own, while my mother, sister and I are left on nothing but child support - pretty much equivilent to miminum wage of a zoo technician. Not to mention she is out of work, and will be for some time until she gets the required education to begin her teaching career (and that job doesn't offer much financial support either). And, of course, all this crap had to spring up around Christmas time - way to go, Dad. I love him as my father, but I look with scorn upon him as my mother's husband.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Laying it on the line

A confrontational letter I wrote addressed to my father. Contemplating whether to show it to him or not.

Dear Dad ~
I can't pretend I don't know what's going on anymore. Through everything I've heard I have tried my absolute hardest to remain as neutral as possible. But at this point I have to confront you. Honestly, I'm afraid for my future.
My main fear is child support. Do you have some sort of paranoia that Mom will take the child support money into her own possession? I don't think you quite understand how selfless a mother becomes when it comes to providing for her children. Taking 50% custody in order to make sure she isn't paying for things of her own with that money is, in my opinion, showing an unnecessary and begrudging lack of trust. I don't know if you realize just how little the three of us would be living on compared to now - it's a bare minimum. And the money you'll be raking in - what exactly do you plan to do with that all on your own? Please don't leave C and I high and dry just because of your own personal issues between you and Mom.
I wish I could tell you this all in person, but unfortunately that just won't work. I know you would interrupt me saying that I'm completely off, that I'm hearing some kind of twisted version of the story, and somehow I'll end up being wrong. I won't be able to get my point across, and since email has pretty much been the gist of all forms of communication between us in the past six months, I figured this would do just fine. Please don't forget that I love you and I'm only opposing you because my future is more dependent on your choices than you may realize.


PS: Please don't make me go on this catamaran trip with the cousins. I don't know what made you think I would feel OK about going after you spent twenty minutes spilling to me about all the different ways life with them is chaotic and how much disrespect they show toward others. They never paid attention to us anyway, and even you can't deny that. I'm sure you have memory of the Christmas we spent up there in 2010.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A look back on summer days past

I'm dealing with a bout of insomnia right now, and I'm feeling a little nostalgic, so I figure there's no better place to express it that here.

Yellow dog barks through the screen

A cluster of kids on the trampoline
Relay races, squirrel chases
Beating sun and bright red faces
Bathing suits and crowded beaches
Picnic blankets, Georgia peaches
Late-night talks and midnight walks
Brand-new pool toys in a box
A golf club swing, a football pass
Sprinkler play in the centipede grass
Cherry popsicle colored tongue
Country songs and doorbells rung
Small boys in baggy swim trunks
Fruit punch and watermelon chunks
Tailgate parties and barbeque
Fireworks red, white, and blue
Towhead blonde hair turning green
From the local pool and all the chlorine
Anti-insect outdoor candles
Two-wheel scooters with rubber handles
Lawn chair forts and tree branch huts
Hot metal bleachers with burning butts
Young romance, summer flings
Lizards dart, a cardinal sings
Gaggles of kids chasing ice cream trucks
Elderly couples feeding the ducks
On a wood-deck porch, an old ginger cat
Rests her paws on the welcome mat
While that same yellow dog I mentioned before
Continues barking mindlessly through that screen door.


Saturday, September 10, 2011

Let Me Out... Please

When people say that childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to get over... They weren't kidding, huh?

Even though its only about 4 weeks into the school year, I'm already hating 8th grade. Most of my friends have left me behind. I can't focus on anything anymore. I can barely get the determination to sit and post on this blog. I used to be such an overachiever who always got everything done in time. I used to have everything worked out on my own, for the most part. What's happened to me?

I haven't turned in one assignment on time in the past month. I haven't yet caught the bus without making a mad dash to the bus stop. I haven't left school even slightly content with me day so far. I'm terribly depressed in all my classes, mostly due to loneliness. In a way, loneliness is a sort of fear for me, but it's something I can't change once I'm feeling it. I guess that's probably why I fear it so much.

I just wish everyone could understand my depression - I'm not shy, I'm not snobbish, I'm not anti-social. I'm just surrounded by this foggy cloud that looms around my head 24/7. I want people to know that this is not who I am. Depression is not my identity. Loneliness is not what I want.

Even my very best friends seem to be moving upward and onward without me. Sure, they still talk to me and like me - but something's changed. There are people I didn't know they were friends with, things I didn't know they regularly participated in - I feel so out of it. And the worst part is, they assume that my dead expressions and tired attitude mean "I don't care". So, naturally, they just find someone more lively to talk to.

Should I just put on an act? I know pretending to be someone your not isn't the right thing to do, but it seems faking my feelings might be the only thing to bring me closer to others. Problem is, that's nearly impossible for me to do. I can't just shove my depression under the bed - it's carved into everything I say and do, everywhere I go, how I react, the way I see things. I've lost my gift of humor somewhere along the way this past summer. I'm no longer any help to people who need advice, like I always was before. All the gifts of my character have been taken... and my flaws remain.

I've prayed and prayed and prayed. I've never questioned how I pray and what I pray about before, but now I'm beginning to. Am I praying too much for myself? Or is it OK to incessantly request aid in wishing away the hazy fog that follows me? Should I offer to do good deeds that please God when I pray for help from Him? Am I not doing enough on my own to change? Am I not believing in Him enough? Am I not doing enough to worship Him?

I just don't know. My brain is a total mess as is... I needn't further confuse myself. My apologies for the pity party. There's nothing else to post about since I'm not a virtuoso in photography or creative writing, nor am I traveling the world as a church missionary.


Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My favorite nursery rhyme

Ladies and gentlemen,
Hobos and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes
And bow-legged ants,
Pull up a chair
And sit on the floor,
I'll tell you a story
I haven't heard before.

One bright day
In the middle of night,
Two dead boys
Got up to fight,
Back to back
They faced each other,
Drew their swords,
And shot each other.

Two deaf policeman
Heard the noise,
Came and killed
The two dead boys.
If you don't believe
That this lie is true,
Ask the blind man.
He saw it too.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

I thought I was going to keep up with this blogging thing!

Holy cow, has it been a while or what? Looks like I failed to fulfill my promise made in the previous post. Whoops. Good lord, where do I start?

Well, let's see... school ended, of course, and on a good note. As I said I would be before, I finished the year a week and a half early in order to join my best friend on a trip to Mackinac Island, which her family so kindly invited me to come on. We spent four days driving up there. The first day we spent in a 6-person max pickup truck, but managed to squeeze seven in there. We started driving at 11PM on the night of May 27th. We were originally going to leave by five, but there was a holdup, I'm assuming. We drove through the night, parked at a rest stop so that her dad, who was driving, could get a few hours of sleep. The only problem was that there was no AC (the car was off) and a lot of people, which makes for a lot of heat. Not to mention we were in Georgia in summertime.

So the following day we arrived at the RV place and transferred all the luggage into the RV. The AC was a huge relief. We got going as soon as we could and drove off with the windows open and the AC blasting. And we drove for 3 more days like that, pretty comfortable with enough space and amenaties for the lot of us.

On that fourth day, we parked the RV outside the ferry harbor. Porters gathered up our mountains of luggage and Saran-wrapped it to a giant bellhop cart. They put our bikes (neccesary for transportation because of the 'no motor vehicles' law) in the ferry's cargo. In the meantime, we boarded to ferry and scanned the scenery. We could see several landmarks on the island, but perhaps the most predominant was the Grand Hotel, locally known on the island as 'The Grand'. Now, her family had already taken a few trips to Mackinac in past years, but this was my first time. How strange it was to see such high elevation, especially on an island! The highest points above sea level in Florida are the overpasses! We all continued to marvel at Mackinac's beauties until we came ashore.

There, we unloaded our biked and watched as several porters pedaled by, all carrying equal portions of our luggage. We headed down the street past horse-drawn buggies, countless fudge shops and cutesy cottages for rent, when we found our place. It was a mauve-lavender townhome complex with 5 or so townhomes connected. If you stood on the front porch and looked out ahead, you would see a large dandelion field and then a tiny road separating the field into two - the second half, further to the right, was a big slope with lots of lanscaped flowers. Down the slope and further to the right was another road, small golf course, and a tavern where a live band often performed classics in the evening. Coming inside the house was surprising, for it seemed much bigger than it had appeared to be from the outside. There were 3 stories - big, open kitchen - living room area downstairs and bedrooms on the second and third floors. It was veyr clean and quaint, with short, cream-colored carpeting and nautical-beachy themed furnishings. Molly and I finally decided on a room after switching at least three times. Although the other kids picked out rooms of their own, by the first night we spent there, they were all sound asleep in our room on blankets and blowup-beds, the soft hum and glow of the TV continuing through the night.

I'll give you the gist of how we passed the time during our stay - as you might have guessed, there was LOTS of biking involved. Nearly every day we would mash down on the pedals, furiously trying to bike up a hill so that we could lose ourselves in the lush, enclosed woods. Tiny trails in every direction. Scenic rocks with nooks and crannies perfect for climbing. The air unbelievably crisp and clean, for there was no exhaust in the air. Glorious temperatures and very sunny as well - you'd think I'd be OK with a few more cozy, rainy days hence the fact that I live in the sunshine state, but I never do seem to get sick of it.

Other than biking, we went downtown (or whatever you would call the 2-block shopping area that sat by the shore) several times to  look over souvenirs. A couple of stores were the usual chinsy, tourist-town, trading-post style shops, but a lot of them were actually really pleasant! Plus, the souvenirs there were surprisingly unique - for example, there's this specific hat that I saw nearly every kid walking around on the island wearing. I HAD to buy one, of course. I would post a picture, however I don't have the hat with me while I'm on vacation. I'll get to that later.

So we spent our days outside with her cousins, checking out the so-called 'downtown' area, and of course, biking and exploring. In addition to this daily routine we also went to tour The Grand, rent a horse-and-buggy to ride around the island, hang out in an abandoned theatre, and eventually get what you cannot leave the island without buying: fudge. Oh, and saltwater taffy. Mmm...

Soon I come to find out that they were planning on staying at the island longer than they said before. I was told that we'd be back by June 10th, however, it turns out they meant leaving the island by the 10th. This was a problem because I had to be back by the tenth max to be able to join my family on a month-long trip to Virginia to visit family. So what ended up happening was, we drove to the Detroit airport, and of course, there's nowhere to park the huge RV, and they had to idle outside the gate by the curb. Inside I wenr to get my baggage checked and my ticket with her dad, when suddenly we find out that the airport staff chaperone that my parents paid extra for and called in to make sure about, is nowhere to be found. And so, since I was an unaccompanied minor, her dad had to get past security with me and wait with me at the gate. Since he's the only one who knew how to drive the RV, we had no choice but to let it idle there outside the gate. And of course, that's when the cops came over to her mom, who was waiting at the RV, and reprimanded her. she explained the whole complicated situation  to them and they eventually let her stay there until I boarded the plane and the dad could come back to the RV and drive it away from the curb. I could not thank them enough for doing that for me.

Sooner than I expected, I was back home in the central Florida sauna. Typical me, I left nearly a third of my luggage with the other family. Then only three days later, I was off again with my own family heading northeast to visit our clutches of close friends and family, placed in various states along the east coast. We traveled back and forth between South Carolina, Virginia, and Pennsylvania, until a month later we were finally home again.

And that concludes, in a nutshell, what I've done this summer to this day. Other notes: I gave up reading Undaunted Courage (I promised myself I would just do it for the sake of feeling accomplished, but that wasn't enough to make me go through with it). Too many footnotes. So instead I picked up a classic my aunt gave to me: East of Eden. And I am finding that much more interesting.

And 'till I post again, have a great summer! (Or winter, if anyone in the southern hemisphere is reading this).


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Trying to catch up after a long blogging withdrawal

Good Lord, it has been a while now, hasn't it? SO sorry for not posting - I was unbelievably busy trying to cram for exams, especially knowing that I actually had to take them much earlier than the other students (I had to do them early because I would be missing them to go to Mackinac Island, Michigan with my best friend - unfortunately for the exams, their presence will not be missed). But I won't bore you with all the details of that - now that I'm back into the posting routine I've got so much to say! It's really overwhelming, but to get this over with I'll start at square one...

So, I hadn't made any plans for my birthday yet this year, even though it was exactly 4 months ago yesterday. I had debated with myself on whether to round up lots of people to do something casual and unstructured, or take a few friends for a weekend at the beach. Little did I know that behind my back my best friend (the same one I will be going to Mackinac Island with - we'll call her "M") and my mother were scheming... for a weekend later she invited me to her house just to "hang out". When I arrive there's food set out on the counter and a funky tablecloth dressing the table, and I'm just starting to get the slightest idea of what might be going on when... SURPRISE!!!!!!!!! Seven of my very good friends - A1, A2, A3, C, E, R, and T - pop out from behind the couch, table and kitchen counters (one knocks over a 2-liter soda bottle in the process) with their arms held high and wide, and big, goofy grins  spread across their faces. Maybe a cliche thing to do, but nonetheless, it was undoubtedly the best birthday I've ever had. Being silly, I pretended to cry with happiness, but inside I think I really was. And the whole thing was out of the kindness of M's heart. I really was not expecting that. That party was the best gift that could ever have been given to me. So I did my doofus-like things, being the ultimate dancing (if that's even what you call the movements I was making) super-freak. I think all the smiling I did that day gave me the laugh-lines (crow's feet, if you'd prefer to be cynical) and parentheses of a 60-year-old (not intending to offend anyone out there reading this who is close to 60+ years of age!).

Oh, hmm... what else? Can't think of anything but I know something happened... well I guess I didn't have as much to say as I thought I did (lucky for all you readers!) but I suppose I'll briefly summarize my last day of school, which was, in fact, today. Without the trip I would be at school until my last day on June 2nd, but due to the vacation I'll be missing everything past today. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about this, because I've always liked the atmosphere that surrounds the school on our final day before summer break - constant hugs and goodbyes and "call me"s. But I hardly had to think about it - it wasn't a big deal. Plus, if I was going to have my last day before everyone else, think about all the exclusive attention I'd get! I know that sounds haughty, but I know there are countless others in this world that love to be the center of attention as well! Anyway, it was a good last day - plenty of yearbook signatures and phone numbers and hugs goodbye. I think I would have given a few more hugs if I wasn't sick as a dog right now.

Anyhoo, I'm all packed and ready to leave for Mackinac Island! No cars, no crime, perfect weather, gorgeous scenery... couldn't get any better. Oh, one thing that maybe probably will come as a shock to you is that we're driving - from central Florida to northern Michigan - the whole way, in an RV. Thank the Lord - we'll have WiFi. 'Till next time folks!


Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Hapless Search for an iPad

Man! Are these in demand or what?! Several months after the new iPad 2 has come out, we have yet to find anywhere in this state or on the web that isn't out of stock. Time and time again we have checked, and we have no luck. Hell, we might as well just get the iPad 3. Shouldn't be too long. Actually, we did get some kind of reservation in at Best Buy, but that doesn't provide anything close to a definitive answer as to when we might get our hands on one. It all depends on when they get some in stock. You know, the iPad was going to be my mom's birthday gift. Hah! Damn, were we in for a rude awakening! I mean, of course we expected to have a lot of difficulty in obtaining one, but don't you think it's gone pretty crazy when you see a sign outside the Apple store that says "ALL IPADS ARE EXPECTED TO BE OUT OF STOCK BY 9 AM EACH MORNING - WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE." So, all the while, we're still waiting...

Last minute Mother's Day gift: Mission sucessful (enough)

After waiting for so long to go out and get a mother's day gift, I finally did it! Whew, it was a close call.

So, she has really been looking for an heirloom rose since almost a year ago. I finally resolved to get one for her, selecting Mother's Day as my day to present it to her. Only, I didn't get an heirloom rose. I can't believe that after all that time I spent thinking about when and where I was going to get her this, and, bing-ba-da-boom, I'm coming home with bougainvillea.

So I went to Home Depot just a little while ago and asked a clerk if they sold any. Just my luck, the answer was no. There wasn't any time to go shopping somewhere else in search of one, so I was stuck with shopping for some other plant out of the enormous, overwhelming assortment of perennials, annuals, indoor plants and the like.

Mind you, I had no clue what an heirloom rose looked like, so I was pretty much at a loss. I, being a perfectionist about certain things (ie. special occasions), wasn't at all pleased by the idea of getting something I had not planned on getting. We all have our foibles, right? Nevertheless, I had five minutes to find something I didn't know I would have to look for. I suddenly remembered that my phone had internet access, and hastily used that to look up "heirloom rose" on Google images (in spite of the fact that it costs us about a buck per megabyte of data processed - happy Mother's Day, mom! Oh, here's a little gift from Verizon...). So, I looked it up, and you know what? They looked absolutely no different than regular roses! And so I thought to myself, "well, if that's all it is, I'm opting for something more original."

And so I did - with lil' sis tagging along behind me, pulling her own weight (and one third, if you count the sizable bougainvillea trellis she was carrying), we each brought a trellis of bougainvillea out to the car. We actually did see my mother, but she was oblivious, just getting herself a diet coke.

So I was pretty sure this was going to be a success story until, whataya know, my sister starts telling this story about how we walked up to the cashier "with some flowers". That part blew it, but I can guarantee you that I probably would have done the same if I had been the one telling the story. (Not so) great minds think alike, eh?

So now they're sitting out in the garage, awaiting the arrival of our lady-of-the-day (which is to come tomorrow [duh]). That's all for now!


Summer Plans

Well, well, well - hasn't this been an interesting week.

Well, not really, I just felt like saying that. Makes my life seem nice and spicy, dont' it? Actually, that might just be the problem - my life is so incredibly bland that I rarely know what to do with myself when I'm not doing schoolwork. I really want to join crew over thre summer (I have a newfound passion for rowing, which makes me feel batter). After all my posts relating to my lake, I guess you could assume that this would be my first and only extracurricular activity that I have joined in over a year. A little something extra to break the plateauing pattern of my life.

Despite my boredom, I AM real excited about my upcoming trip to Mackinall Island, Michigan with my best friend!!!!!!!!! I was thanking her dad over and over and over again when he stopped by my house suddenly when she was over and invited me to come with them to Michigan. I'll be missing exams and leaving on the 28th, but not to worry, I can easily make those up. My only concern is missing the last days of school, just because, well, ypu know... it's the last day of school. I always loved that atmosphere of "Oh, I'm gonna miss you!", and plenty of hugs and snapping pictures and signing yearbooks. Oh, well - it'll be worth it. Plus, I'll be able to escape the disgusting heat of Florida, and be surrounded by a type of beauty I wouldn't normally be able to see. In addition to that, it's a crime free area and there are no motorcycles/cars allowed on the island.

Lots of talk about summer plans. Soon after I come back from Michigan, I'll be headed off to Virginia to see my grandparents for about a month. Up there, I'll do a sailing camp and possibly do a weeklong camp at a horse farm (perfect horse country where thay are). After that month up there, I'll go visit my other grandma up in Pennsylvania. Probably go to South Carolina as well to visit our old friends, as we usually do. As for being home, I'll just go shopping, see movies, read (STILL trying to finish Undaunted Courage! Impossible to get through!), go swimming, go to the beach, and skype people who are far away (or close, don't matter).

I'll definitely be keeping up with this better over the summer for a few reasons: more free time and more interesting things to write about, and hopefully many gorgeous pictures of everywhere I go!

That's all for now!

Saturday, April 30, 2011

A Rare Occurance

I decided, after an hour or so of crying over normal teen crap, to go exploring in the nearby woods. That is really the only thing that truly makes me feel pure inside - and even then, life's worries and anxieties butt their way into my calm-down time.

Anyhoo, I coasted my bike down to the boat ramp by my lake, where there are woods surrounding the gravel clearing on either side. I inwardly wondered if my hair was getting any blonder or if my face was getting a nice tan (you would think in Florida that you could get a tan by just going out to get the mail - however, it's unusually hard. It's as if my skin has an immunity toward sunlight because of its abundance where I live).

Arriving at the boat ramp, of course, it escapes my train of thought that I should grab my phone out of the bike seat. I was really going to regret this later.

So I'm still just trudging through the vines and branches and palm leaves and who-knows-what-else, when I begin to think about something that happened this morning. I recalled that an otter darted out from the woods and into the street just as we were driving by. Unfortunately, I only knew this happened because of a loud "LOOK!" from the drivers seat (oh, mom XD). I was beginning to feel disappointed because I had missed the sight.

As if going by the rule of "ask and you shall receive", some small mammal comes plodding through the grass. I thought it might be a squirrel at first, but as it trotted closer I could see it was much larger and darker brow. I began to back away out of fear that it might be a beaver (those things are scary with their giant buck teeth!). However, that was a wrong guess too - closer and closer still it came, its spine rolling in waves as it galumphed toward me.

Lo and behold, there was an otter. It did not run away, nor did it seem to scared at all. I stood there, turned my head, and looked at it out of the corner of my eye (didn't want to intimidate it). Never had I been so close to something like this before outside of a zoo - it had to be about a maximum of 10 feet away from me. So close, in fact, I could make out the exact color of its eyes, which you could say was a dark hazel. And throughout all this thinking of mine, it remained in my presence. It suddenly rose up onto its haunches and pulled its front legs up to it's chest.

We regarded each other for a moment. There, just then, we made direct eye contact, the otter and I. He seemed bolder than most, as if I radiated a disposition of harmlessness.

To keep it standing there, as to not frighten it, I sat down, thinking that would make me seem like less of a predator. Evidently, the fact that I moved at all is what scared the darling away. Smart me.

And this, my friends, is why I am a total doofus for leaving my phone in my bike pocket. Ugh! (smacks forehead XD).


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Easter!

OK, this first paragraph might not seem like I have a point relating to this post's title (and it really doesn't) but it leads up to something, I swear, so bear with me readers: I've been quite fed up with myself and life in general lately, and it's getting pretty out of hand. I can't manage my time at all, therefor nearly every night I'm up doing important things 'till the wee hours of the morn', when in fact I should have been doing them much, much earlier instead of wasting time. I used to be so puzzled as to why everyone else had so much balance in their life except me. Even with the same amount of work as me and grades just as good, they had time for sports, friends, relaxing time, sleeping, eating, chores, and meeting work deadlines. Me? I was lagging behind somewhere between the speed of a snail and a sloth, with nothing but my own work, a little texting, and working out. Then suddenly, my conscience walked up to me with a stern face and smacked me in the forehead (much like they do in the V8 commercials!). She said:

"Get real with yourself. You're not stupid; you know you're not really using your time as efficiently as you should be. Actually, to put it better, you're just flat out procrastinating. Period. Just don't ant to do any work. More than that, in fact - you don't want to deal with anything in reality because it's, well, it takes effort. Now, if you'd mind making the effort to think back on your daily activities, I'm sure you'll find that your astounding lack of time management skills are all due to the decisions of you and you alone. What happened to that go-go-go spirit of yours? What happened to your desire to create a life of your own to the furthest possible extent? Why all of a sudden do you allow the wind to blow you anywhere it pleases? Stand your ground. Do what you know is right and wise. Choose that option that you know will help you in the long run. It's practically highlighted and underlined in red for you! I'd rather not ramble to you like this again, so for my sake, do as I say! God sent me down to stay with you for a reason - so that He and his moral teachings could be with you and present with you at all times, to 'lead you not in temptation, but deliver you from evil'. Capisce?"

I apologize, my conscience certainly knows how to lecture. To cut to the chase, while I was mulling over everything said in her ramble, something hit me (no, it was not her hand on my forehead this time); in all my stressing over how and when to make time for what, I had an epiphany: When was the last time I put time for Jesus Christ into my schedule?! Only the most important thing in my life, and I have yet to do my part to deepen my relationship with Him. And what better day to start than Easter? Today I begin a new journey. Please offer up any ideas you've got on how I can make this happen!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011


This is the craziest rapping I have ever heard! Behold, up-and-coming rapping sensation Carmen (real names: Nick and Amy). Don't worry, this girl still does have self respect, even though the low-cut dress and lyrics make her seem a bit sleazy. I have proof - she said so on Ellen! XD

And she sings too - not too shabby, eh?


Friday, April 15, 2011


I find myself swept up
in a strange allure
in which I cannot control myself.
OH, so hard to explain -
if only you could swim
through the depths of my eyes
and see what I have seen.

It all started as a simple night
in which no one
no one at all
was truly alive.
Just my dog
and I.

And a simple night's delight indeed
Rephrase, too weak a word:
this wondrous fascination
that I have found
in the dark of dusk
is to be comprehensible
by me and me only.
And the dog.

I know the moon
can't glow on it's own
but if there ever was a time
that it had the force within
its craters and dusty surface
somewhere deep beneath
the rugged barrenness
to burst through to the outside universe
that would be tonight.

Lying on my back
nothing surrounds me.
Just the stars
the (my) moon
and my dog.

It's almost as if
I'm pulling myself into
this Eden of the night.
And suddenly
the ground beneath me
has evaded physical presence.

As for me -
well, you could say I'm gone as well.
gravitating toward the sky
levitating into the heavens;
caution: do not disturb.


Tuesday, April 12, 2011


This quote sounds awful familiar, but my sister swore to me today that this is her quote:

"I'm a lover, not a fighter, but I will fight for what I love." 

That would be all!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Yeah, one of THOSE days.

Ugh. I really hate feeling fat. It just plain sucks ass. Honestly, I might even fear the feeling nearly as much as I fear actually getting fat. Either way, I still feel like shit. Pardon me, I'm venting. I've been comparing with my sister a lot lately, and how I'm the one who always wants ice cream and not her, and how I'm not running around constantly (or have the desire to), and she is (does). I flipped out at dinner because she just doesn't eat anything. Makes an excuse all the time - "This is too hard to chew!", "I don't like it!", "It doesn't taste like it did at the other restaurant!". And don't be fooled by these - trust me, she's old enough to know better, plus the fact that she has never been a particularly picky eater. Plus, I was all nervous and hyperventilating over not having enough vegetables today. It all sounds ridiculous to you, but to me, I still shudder at the thought.

Everything's been going haywire.

This talent show thing that my friends and I were entered in - someone backed out, we can't find anyone else to take their place, and the event is 3 days away, not to mention that we haven't made outfits yet and we have absolutely no clue who is going to take our dropout's place. Plus I was dragged into doing some duet with my friend to a Shakira song I haven't even heard. Sigh.

Sooooooo much work - would you like some sleep with your life of homework and nothing but? I guess, for me, the answer to that is no. Them tired ol' bags are beginning to creep up and darken below my eyes once more. I don't know how to prioritize it all - it's so much! I know that's what happens before standardized testing and all, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant! Well, at least I finally found a friend who actually understands where I'm coming from. It seems that all others are bored because they have nothing to do - homework for them is finished, and they're not C- slackers. How in the world do they do that?

After such a negative post, I suppose I should count my blessings.
  • True, good friends who genuinely care for me
  • Supportive, loving, and humorous family
  • Everything I really need at my fingertips
  • Opportunity to become well-educated, in spite of the work
  • Really, I kind of do have the freedom to do what I want within reason, set for my own good
  • A lazy dog to laugh at and confess my problems to
  • A roof over my head sounds cliche, but it still counts
  • Goals in mind, and the resources to achieve them
  • So many choices that others do not have, many of which come from being an American
  • Extended family willing to come down, visit, and spend time with us because they enjoy it, not because they feel obligated to
  • Savings! My own bank account!
  • Savvy parents who are wise spenders
  • A super cute pain-in-the-neck lil' sis
  • A strange and original awesome and coherent and smart brother who DOES NOT smoke and DOES NOT drink excessively
  • Entertaining things to fill my time
And that will be all for now!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

New Template

Tell me what you think about the new look! I was attempting to make it look summery and brighter. Tell me about how easily you can read it, if the colors are too much, etc. Thanks! ;) Oh, one more thing - something's up with the poll gadget, and when you first visit the site, in the poll area there are a bunch of reactions - to see the poll instead of the reactions, just refresh the page.

Fire and Water, Burning and Drenching

I've got 2 new issues to present: one a national horror and the other much more local, and hardly as catastrophic.

I'll get the really bad news out of the way: so, this Florida pastor, Terry Jones, in Gainesville officially decided to burn all those Qurans (Korans). He previously threatened to burn them on 9/11 last year, but the bastard was caught and forced to take vow to never threaten an act like this again. This time, he says he burned them by order of a majority rules vote of an online poll. The poll excluded any option to not punish the Quran, but instead listed several other punishment options for the Quran, such as shredding, drowning, facing a firing squad, and finally, burning. As you can see, the burning got the most votes. So, after pledging not to do any of the mentioned, he broke the promise and burned who-knows-how-many Qurans on April 1st. I found it kind of ironic that this happened on April Fool's Day - some joke. Ignorant of the act was America, while citizens of Pakistan and Afghanistan revolted against the burning on a nearby United Nations building. All the while, at least 12 of these people were killed, several injured. Why anyone would feel this strongly about something that doesn't even interfere with their life, and knowing that their actions would make national news, is beyond my, and most everyone else's moral-valued thinking.

On a lighter note (yet still not real happy) there have been some major weather issues going on where I am. A long line of horrific severe thunderstorms plowed through our area last week. The first day it stared out just super windy, then it was stormy, you know, thunder and lighting and all that jazz. Kind of fascinating, actually. Then, next day comes along and it's real nasty. You look out your window at noon and everything's just soaked.

Our poor dog - we stuck her outside when the rain calmed down a bit, figuring she could manage underneath our covered lanai. Of course while we're gone, the storm kicks up a notch (or ten) and we see grass getting mowed by the wind - literally, it was sheared off like a buzz cut, with shavings all over the roads. Oh, and get this - our skimpy basketball hoop, which is not attached to the ground, stayed upright the entire time. But my precious, 3-year-old weeping willow snapped in half. All of the branches are gone, and all that's left is the trunk. I'm sure that willow's weeping now.

Anyway, that night was not the kind of night where you fall asleep to the pitter-patter of rain on your roof - instead, a tornado warning went off that night; I could hear the sirens out on the streets.

The next morning, I got several texts from my friends saying they weren't coming to school. My doting mother took me anyway. Well, those girls didn't miss much - there were 2 tornado warnings and a fire drill. Of all days to choose to do a fire drill, how stupid can you be to pick that day?

I missed the bus because I couldn't find it anywhere on the ramp (hey, you don't exactly have 20/20 vision in pouring rain, constant thunder & lighting, plus 40+ mph winds!) I wasn't alone - most guys from my bus stop couldn't find it either. We actually saw it pull out of school campus, and we all ran after it hoping maybe it would stop for us. Too late - the bus pulled out on the main road and honked at us, while a guy who had made it on was mocking us, smiling and waving at us suckers. Everyone was drenched, our clothes vacuum-sealed to our bodies, our shoes squelching, and our umbrellas inside-out. My mom came and rescued us, yet she still laughed at how pathetic we looked. Driving into an enormous puddle in the road in our neighborhood, the car almost stalled. The tires were completely underwater.

Yesterday, the lake was muddy with eroded soil and at least 6 inches to a foot higher. Not that my lake is of unusual size or anything, but with the amount of distribution that would have to occur to make every area of the lake the same depth, that much depth increase is a huge difference. Despite the wet surroundings, that day actually had beautiful weather that came out of nowhere - sunny, clear skies, gentle breeze, nice temps.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Looking for a REALLY good April Fools Joke...

Ugh! I am at a loss! I haven't got the slightest idea of a creative prank I could play on someone! And time is ticking - the day's more than half over! I've already replaced the sugar bowl with salt - that gave Dad a shock ;). One person already pranked me. She put pink silly string in her hand (so it looked like a wad of bubble gum) and she came up and shook my hand. I flipped out because I though it was real. I screamed and said "Eeewww! Who does that?! I need to go to the bathroom and sterilize my hands! Ugh!". Then, a bit late, she added that it was just silly string. Wow.

Back to my main point - I NEED TO DO SOMETHING REALLY ANNOYING TO SOMEONE! I mean, I guess I sort of do that every day, but honestly, I want to actually celebrate. Heck, I celebrate all those extra little holidays that random people make up and slap on calenders (ex: 'Talk like a pirate Day' - gotta love that one ;D).

So, lemme get my creative juices flowin' here... maybe if I buy giant floral briefs for my mom and replace all her other underwear with it. Or possibly, when my parents get home today, I could dump out a bottle of beer, put some water in it, and be chugging it down with a six-pack of Coors Light waiting on the floor for 'future boozing'.

I bet I'll come up with more ideas, but that's all I have time to put down for now. Later!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Weekly rantings!

So, spring break ended and the grandparents left. Man, do I love them, but they can drive you nuts! I guess that why they call it 'extended family' - ya can't really have 'em around in your everyday life! XD

They always seem to curse our house and car in some way when they're here, or right after they leave (that was this morning). The AC broke a couple of times within a ten-day span, same with the AC in the car, and the sink wouldn't unclog. Last time they were up, they majorly clogged the toilet. I know we eat a lot when we're around family, but there must have been some major problem with their stomachs for them to ruin the plumbing that much. The toilet overflowed and dirty water came out of every faucet. Ugh. Oh, not to mention that a light bulb exploded when they were here last. Such sweet people, yet such a bad omen they must be carrying! Sigh! XD

By the way, I kept up with all spring break goals except one: reading halfway through Undaunted Courage. Hey, that book is frickin' huge! I'm workin' on it! ;)

Any ideas for polls? I was hoping for something that may draw up a stronger opinion from people, making the more likely to vote, rather than something interesting but kind of a waste of space. Let me know if you've got a good one on your mind.

Sleep, sleep, sleep... the one thing I need. Only 3 days back from break, even with a couple of days early to bed to get back on schedule while on break, and I'm pooped. Gettin' harder to keep my eyes open, not to mention the deep, dark bags under them. But I'm getting better at making time. If there's one thing I wanted more of, time would be my choice.

Next topic: immature kids. So, we had to watch "The Video" the other day. Ya know, sexual education. Awkward yes. Puke worth, no. I could hear every 7th period science class down the hall shrieking. I just cracked up at them. Yeah, the video's ridiculous, but these people are being total hypocrites. They make some of the most perverted jokes I've heard, then they gag and burst out in peals of laughter at the word penis. Seriously? Get a grip.

One more thing: church. I really feel like I should go more often, but I just never seem to go through with that! I really want a closer relationship with God, but since I'm too young to get myself from one place to another, this depends on the desires of my family as well. They feel the same as me, but probably with less motivation to change  up the Sunday schedule than I have. Time to start using the tazer to wake them up. And they can DVR CBS Sunday Morning News.

As you can see, my life is terribly riveting and probably enraptured you all to the point of being so on the edge of your seats that you fall. But I'm making up for a couple of weeks of not posting - as you can see, the posts are very erratic. That's all for now, minions.
PS: I don't know what hat last sentence was about. Just spur of the moment type of thing. ;)

Random Funny Moment...

Ha! You know it's not your average day when your mom pulls ice cubes out of her purse!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

My Hideaway

A dreary sky lurked outside of my window; doesn't exactly entice one to go boating. I went anyway, without much enthusiasm. My skin beaded sweat, but not the good kind you get from being scorched by the sun - it was a muggy, itchy, buggy, sticky, humid hot. Typical Florida.

I sat there drifting for a moment in silence. The water was completely dark - no sun to pierce through the reflective, glassy shield of the surface. Nature's beauty wasn't attending this occasion. I sluggishly paddled on, hoping to discover something better up ahead.

Man, was I right in my decision to keep going. Lo and behold, past old-man-Bob's dock, hundreds of lilies and their precious white flowers laid upon the ripples of the lake, hiding the dark, obsidian-like surface. Making my way carefully around the patches of fragrant blooms so as not to harm the delicate little things, I gazed down at the exposed surface, and realized something was different there as well. Clearly visible rays of light shot down through the water, peeling away the sky-mirroring shadow from the lake bottom life. I could now easily see the wonders that lay beneath - minnows, reeds, and a few other odd things I didn't recognize. For the first time in over a year, I spied fish larger than my index finger. That's when I knew it truly was spring.

The sun shone onto my back and gave me that pleasant sweaty feeling that I don't mind so much. I was amazed - I hadn't seen real fish in forever! This is a really good sign! Everywhere the boat passed by, I could see straight to the sandy, algae-covered lake bottom. I know I make my lake (hey, that rhymes ;D) seem like a dirty, mucky place, but it really is, in my mind, a minor eighth wonder of the world. The surface smooth as glass, the water clear as crystal (when it's sunny) and the life so diverse and so interactive with each other. You could spot anything from 100 species of birds out there to an otter, gator, turtle, carp, deer, frogs - you name it. It might as well be a transported chunk of the Everglades.

Ah! I just love and I can't stop talking about it! If only my damn camera would work (plus it would help if I even remembered to bring it out there at all :/) then I would have some real shots of nature's eye candy to show y'all right now. However, as I have mentioned, that is not the case. So I will continue to draw a picture with words.

My curiosity nearly tipped me out of the canoe as I tilted further forward to peer into the lake water. Striped fish darted away into the floating lilies, tucked away in their beds of kelp-ish plants and sand. I spotted a school (I think that's the proper way to put it?) of tadpoles as they breast-stroked away from me, their tails a sign of their youth. They're actually quite cute. Further down the lake, I come across a heron larger than I have ever seen. You see, in FL, it's normal to see several birds half the size of ostriches constantly on your front lawn. So, if I think I big bird is small, you can imagine the size of this heron. It's blue crest fluffed in the slight breeze as it ate something, maybe a bug, off its leg. Wanting to get a close up, I whipped out my phone and tried to zoom in - until I realized that this new phone that I liked so much at first (LG Cosmos Touch) has no zoom in-out button. I went nuts, then headed home.

I turned around, and once again, I took my time avoiding the fragile lily blooms, no wanting to crush them. The canoe came to a clearing where I could paddle freely. For no apparent reason, just spur of the moment, I paddled wildly in my new direction, I figured out I was stronger than I thought.

That led to an epiphany - I guess what I said above can apply to a lot of things, can't it? I know you've probably heard it before, but you never know until you try, right? If you put enough effort into it, maybe probably, you'll succeed. And that stuck with me the rest of the day, not to mention it certainly came through in my interactions with others.

One more thing: If I'm going to get real good at my new hobby, canoeing, it seems only fit that I find a name for the boat, regardless of the fact that it's a canoe, not a sailboat. If you've got any good ideas, please do tell me! ;) Oh, and I apologize for infrequent posting. Been very busy lately.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Spring Break!

Yay finally! It's here! How long I have been waiting for a moment (well, much longer than a moment) to sit down and do as I please. Y'all are probably thinking "Who is she to complain? She's just a kid, still youthful and carefree." Eh, true. But I do keep myself very busy, probably more so than I should. Anyway, here are my plans.

1. Get halfway through reading "Undaunted Courage". It's supposed to be really good - it's the story of Lewis and Clark (I'm such a nerd I know XD). I started it thinking "you have got to be kidding me. This is boring as hell." But when I got to sit down in a really quiet place, instead of just word-calling (reading without paying attention) I could understand it some and get into it a little bit. I'm almost at the more exciting part - you know, where they actually start on their mission out west. But I'm not going to let myself put this down and just stop reading it - I WILL FINISH THIS BOOK. May I repeat: I WILL FINISH THIS BOOK!

2. Spend at least every other day with a friend.  I don't want to let myself become isolated over break. I have plenty of great friends who would love to get out and have fun (besides, most of them are super bored and look to me for entertainment). I'm starting to realize that people aren't as picky as I think they are. They would be happy just going somewhere simple, even if it's just heading out to Target for God's sake. Plus, I have learned that when I spend time with other people, no matter how pissy I am to begin with, it always lifts my mood and makes me feel better, and accomplished in some sort of way.

3. Run more.  Now, don't get all concerned, because this has nothing to do with my eating disorder. Much more to do with a release of energy that tones down negative feelings. I'm sure that if you've gone for a run you know what I mean. What I want to do is, instead of letting emotions boil inside of me until they unleash onto some innocent person, I want to  take it out on the sidewalk, pounding and stomping and defying all forces. I did this the other day when there was a fire in me burning like the flames of hell. Went for a run, just long enough to get the feelings out. Sprinting if I felt like it, walking if I didn't, or somewhere in between. I didn't force myself to go further than what was necessary to release the anger. I came back home feeling instantly better. Even though in the first place I was so unwilling to go out there and do it, I didn't regret itone bit afterward.

4. Take better care of myself.  Sleep schedule has been a major problem for me recently. I'm tired, but I have no desire to go to sleep. So I plan on prodding myself into bed at an earlier time, and remembering the (unpleasant) consequences of not getting enough sleep that come the next morning. Another thing: I seriously need to keep up my flossing routine. Haven't done that in a while, despite the fact that I know how important it is to floss with braces. I also want to improve on knowing my limits with food. I have an all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to certain foods, and I tend to either avoid them completely or completely pig out when I do eat them. That needs to be fixed, because I know that later I will be terrible physically and emotionally after I binge like that.

5. Be more flexible. Another one of my foibles is getting so wound up when things don't go according to plan that I have a minor breakdown. not a fun way to live life. Loosening up and letting go of things will definitely lead to a calmer and more peaceful overall attitude. I must learn the concept of 'rescheduling'. That's a work in progress, but then again, tell me what in this world is not? ;)

And, I guess that's all for my spring break goals. Tell me what yours are. The way I think about it, any occasion can be  used as a chance to make more resolutions! :)

Friday, March 18, 2011

Skin Beauty Update!

OK, for all you skin health nuts: just wanted to let y'all know that I have found THE most versatile body scrub EVER! Do you have dry skin, but you also want a body wash that gets all the dirt out? Well I've got the right thing for you! (Ya think I could go into the advertising industry? ;-) Anyway here it is, from Co. Bigelow: Winter Naturals - Ginger Mentha Warming & Exfoliating Body Scrub [with essential oils! :-)]. Behold!

 Sorry I took so many pictures of the same boring bottle XD. Just wanted to make sure y'all got the name right and the look of the product too. Makes your skin super soft, tingly, and warm in the shower. Available at Bath & Body Works. Enjoy!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Not Quite Titanic

What's it like to feel unwanted
So alone (seriously, not just in my pathetic teenage way)
So desperate
So in need of something you probably already have?

What if you already know you're way too fortunate
And life has done you extreme good overall
And you know that you have no right to ask for more...

But you can't help but want it.
Because, as far as you can see, everyone else has it.
So why not you?
Why not?
Why not?
Why not?

We live in a hypocritical world -
Everyone demands that you give
When all the while they continue to take.

I've heard it a million times before
"Life's not fair."
Well, duh!
But it doesn't make it suck any less...

I was recently told
That if I could walk a mile in one's shoes
Then I could confirm to myself
That NO ONE has an idealistic life.

Yet they sure do a hell of a good job making it seem like it...
While I am incredibly obvious.
I wear my heart on my sleeve like a tattoo.
Even getting the tattoo removed leaves a scar.

If nothing else
I think something has got to go uphill at some point here.
So far, life in general
Has been a loooooooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggggggg,
And drrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaggging on
Almost like pulling off a Band Aid....

Right now
What would be real helpful
Is if someone could throw a rope
Down into this trench
So maybe my trembling, feeble hands
Could grasp it in just the nick of time.
Maybe I could even be pulled up...
If the one holding the rope is willing to put forth the effort.

Monday, March 14, 2011


AAHHHHMAAAAAAZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIINNGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The title is the name of the play, FYI) This play was indescribably beautiful and heartfelt and everything else you would want to feel while watching a broadway musical!!! The pure talent and realness of the acting was what got me misty-eyed. And I NEVER cry at anything acting related. But this time, I think I even forced myself to cry a little bit just to enhance the whole marvelous experience. It felt good to cry about it. I just about clapped my arms off at he end of every musical number. However, the people next to me disagreed with my opinion of the musical. They never clapped. And during the encore and the standing ovations, they left. Just left. I was like, people, you have got to be kidding me. Even if it was a cruddy play (although it was truly far from it) you just clap because it's a polite thing to do. What morons.

Anyway, there was one obvious sign of extreme talent in this show: the humor. Of course, there are no subtleties in broadway. Despite this obstacle, the cast made it work so, so, so well. What with the giddiness of Glinda and her oh-so-popular self-absorbedness, and Fiyero with his unnecessary, embarrass-others honesty, everything was perfect. The retorts between Glinda and Elphaba were truly clever and you could feel the vibe that the fighting between them was all in good nature and would not last long. It was the truest, realest, form of friendship I have ever seen portrayed on stage. The sister-like relationship between the two perfectly fit the theme of opposites attract. Plus, the relationship was like none I had ever experienced in a play, movie, song, TV show, etc. Yet, the way it was acted out was so completely not fake and totally believable. Glinda being the popular, boy-crazy ditz, at first loathing and then suddenly connecting with the introverted, miserable, and, well, quite green Elphaba.

Oh my goodness! I apologize. You probably don't really know what I'm talking about here. Well, here's tue background info: Elphaba is the wicked witch of the west. She was born green and teased about it her whole life, but that's not real important. In this story, no one is truly bad or good. They are just characters, having their faults and their attributes too. Elphaba is an animal lover on a world that treats them like dirt (note: the animals in the story are spelled with a capital A, distinguishing Animals from just animals. The Animals speak, and the animals don't). I have pretty much already summed up Glinda in the first paragraphs but for further information she becomes the "good" witch of the north. Fiyero is a rich, hot guy who begins school at the Shiz academy and goes steady with Glinda (more commonly known as "Galinda" - her preferred pronunciation). However, after the only Animal teacher in the school, gets fired, and the new teacher comes in with a lion cub in a cage, Fiyero takes sides with Elphaba and releases the lion into the wild. During this time, they bear but a touch of each others' hands and silent eye contact, and secretly, unknowingly, fall for each other. Oh, plus there is a highly esteemed professor of sorcery at the Shiz academy, Madam Morrible, who recognized Elphaba's powers and gets thinking about how she could use the little girl to her evil advantages. We later find out that she is on the side of he wizard, who is truly a complete loser and a nobody who just wants someone to look up to him and think of him as something. So, Madam Morrible and the 'wizard' are together to take the gift of speech from all Animals. Morrible pretends to be all over Elphaba and her gifts in sorcery, when she takes her to see the wizard and they have her decipher the language of a spell book. She reads it easily, but she is unaware that they have tricked her into casting a horrible spell. She feels betrayed and poses the wizard as her enemy. You see, the point of this story is that she was not evil at all, nor truly "good" - just a girl who is different and has her own deep cares and priorities. Yet she is forced to be thought of as the enemy, since everyone listens and looks up to the wizard and thinks he's the end-all be-all. And what the wizard is saying is that everyone must go and find this evil "witch", and they shouldn't listen to a thing she says because she lies and lies and lies (when, in fact, it is the other way around). But the wizard isn't a bad man either - he's just basking in the glory of having all citizens of Emerald City think of him as Mr. Wonderful. He never had a very good life before that - no family, no respect. As he says, he's a "sentimental" man, and quite eccentric in a goofy sort of way. Oh, and before I go any further - Elphaba has a sister, who later becomes Wicked Witch of the East. Nessarose, her wheelchair-bound little sister, is embarrassed to have a green and awkward sister such as Elphaba. However, her cruel father, being disgusted by Elphaba, forces her to care for her at all times, and she is very protective of her. Nessarose falls for a munchkin guy, Boq, who is actually in love with Glinda. Glinda suggests he ask Nessa to the dance, so he does. But her ends up in a relationship that he brought himself into only to make the love of his life happy. So, married to the governor of Oz, Nessa, disabled Nessa, he is miserable. Elphaba, after being in hiding away in the woods (after she sings "Defy Gravity" - so beautiful :D) comes back to secretly visit her sister. Nessa demands she use her powers to get her out of the wheelchair and make Boq love her, not Glinda. She casts the spell on Boq, and since the request for the spell was  "for me to have his heart and not Glinda!" (quote of Nessa, speaking figuratively in the context of love), literally his heart goes to Nessa, and so he becomes heartless, therefore becoming the tin man. Clever, right? Oh, and so while Elphaba is off being the innocent fugitive somewhere alone, Fiyero and Glinda get engaged, when in fact, Fiyero is on love with Elphaba, just after that one say they spent together in school releasing the lion cub (who actually becomes the cowardly lion later on). Meanwhile, the wizard and Morrible are plotting to lure Elphaba back to the city so they can capture her. They have a house fall on Nessa, killing her, and of course Elphaba gets wind of this and runs to her side. This is where the loathing between Dorothy (who is actually a tiny fraction of this story with no speaking part) and Elphaba. Dorothy's house landed on Elphaba's beloved sister, 'wicked witch of the east'. Then Dorothy takes the ruby slippers, a prized possession of Nessa, Elphaba, and their dead mother. There is no power to the slippers, only sentimentality and memories attached. Elphaba only kidnaps Dorothy and demands she hands them back for that reason only. Meanwhile, Elphaba and Glinda meet again after first meeting each other once before for the first time in years, then they fought during that time, then there they are again, just as Glinda directed Dorothy down the yellow brick road (honestly, I was really impressed by the ditsy humor portrayed by Glinda). They are fighting, but it's just their usual "blah blah blah you said she said" etc. Then I thought this was a pretty funny part:
Glinda: Well, all you do is ride around on that filthy old thing! (referring to Elphaba's broomstick)
Elphaba: Well, so sorry, not everyone can travel by bubble!
 So there was that, and then the guards of Oz enter, find Elphaba, and capture her. Then Glinda whines in her nasally, high-pitched, popular-girl voice (after the guards yank Elphaba away from the girls' fight using sticks) "Let her go, I almost had her!". Then Fiyero busts in and tries to fight away the guards, while explaining to Glinda that he loves someone else. Guards take him away and hang him to a post in a field. Elphaba casts a spell going something like this: "Don't let him be hurt, let him feel no pain, let him LIVE!". This therefore makes Fiyero the scarecrow, all full of straw and unable to feel physical pain. They sing a beautiful harmony love song. Then Elphaba captures Dorothy and takes her away to her tower and locks her in a room, all te while cursing and calling Dorothy a greedy, whiny brat for not giving up the slippers. Then Glinda appears, trying to convince Elphaba to let go of the shoes, saying "oh, God, they're just SHOES!" (which is ironic, because earlier she was raving about how important the perfect pair of shoes are and bragging about her expansive collection of footwear). They make up, as usual, and it touches the heart, as usual. As they hear guards coming up the stairs, they sing "You Changed Me for Good" as this would be their last time seeing each other, for they both believe Elphaba will surely die. The guards arrive, and believing in one of the rumors they have heard about the Wicked Witch of the West, they dump a bucket of water on her. You see nothing at this point since this all happens behind the curtain, all you see is a shadow. An I will leave it at that if in case you ever wish to see this play for yourself! Which you seriously should. This acting group was top-rated of the year and they sure as hell deserved it! So you better go see it. Sooooooooo worth it. Even if you sit in the nosebleed section like I did (row X, as a matter of fact lol). Ugh! And you cannot understand how it kills me that I can't describe the miraculousness of this masterpiece of broadway in words fit for the true feeling you get or the way every hug & giggle between Glinda and Elphaba lifts your heart. Not to mention that the love between Elphaba and Fiyero is extremely passionate. And not just in that sappy, Nicolas Sparks kind of way. This is FOR REAL, and whoever acts out the frustrated and relentless love for Fiyero, damn, she sure did it good! Oh, and Glinda had some pretty extreme talent too. The cutesy, bubbly, slightly shallow personality of her character appeared to be her own in real life (minus the shallow) once you heard her give her mini speech about their acting group's goal to raise X amount of money for research of AIDS. And I still can't get over the beauty of the gorgeous and pristine ring of every voice in that cast. I seriously suggest you take my advice and get tickets as soon as you can. these people are frickin' amazing!

Oh, and one more thing: I got my photo taken with the hot guy who plays Fiyero! (for a large price of $20. Oh, well. It's all for a good cause, right? ;)

Once again, I apologize that I could not describe the true incredibility of the show to you in this post. But, please promise me, you mustn't  base your decision on whether to see on not see this play on what I write. I just felt the need to get out there whatever (not so) awesome descriptions that came to my mind at the time. For the last time, this is sleepinl8 signing off, I ORDER YOU TO SEE THIS PLAY!!!!!!!!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

My Lent Predicament

Ha. Kind of a nice word there, eh? Anyway, lent officially began a few days ago, and so far I feel pretty lousy because I have not yet committed to any kind of giving up. At first, I thought maybe could give up diet sodas and drink more water. Just had a coke zero this morning. What to do, what to do? Thought about giving up texting... I thought it was a pretty good challenge. Well, that ain't happenin'.

Then I took my mother's advice to instead use lent as a time for self-improvement. I thought about that and what I could possibly do to make myself a better person... possibly things like not being snippy with my sister, please God more when I know I should, managing my time better, etc. You know, kind of using lent as a second chance to make resolutions.

So one thing I thought of to help myself become better inside and out is to give up one particular habit that has taken over a part of my life so that it has gone beyond the definition of 'habit'. This is when I pick at my skin. Gross indeed, but it has become a not-so-secret obsession of mine. I have semi-permanent scars in countless places on my body now because of how I have so damaged the skin. This isn't a form of intentional, self-induced harm like cutting - it's much a form of OCD. It is truly satisfying to feel that release of tension from my fingers onto my skin, to squeeze and, yes, pop. Ugh, I really apologize for the gore of this. But I had to find a way to explain my goal to give this up for lent. Apparently this is called Compulsive Picking Disorder (never would have guessed that one, huh?).

Anyway, I am really going to sincerely try to stop this behavior. Maybe if I read this more often and realized how embarrassed I am to post this, that will give me some reason to stop. Not to mention the fact that some dipstick asked me about the "hemorrhoids" on my arms.

So tell me what y'all are giving up. Been hard? Good. That's how you know that you've chosen the right thing to let go of. PS: Soooo sorry for not posting anything decent lately! 8b

Sunday, March 6, 2011

A touchy subject unveiled...

A touchy subject indeed. I'm talking about sex trafficking. Quite possibly one of the most disgusting and inhumane occurrences I have ever heard of. I knew what it was but I never bothered to think much about it. The worst part is, this is children we are talking about. And not just in those middle eastern nations where women are treated like dirt and such. These modern slavery programs generated more profit than Google, Nike, and Yahoo combined, adding up to about $3.2 billion a year. Think about that.

The Body Shop - Stop Sex Trafficking of Children and Young People from TheBodyShop on Vimeo.

I have included a link for y'all to go to the petition and sign it. Please, please, please do so. It all adds up. Thanks for reading!

Sorry for not posting!



As you can see, I've written a message for y'all in the word bank. I would have put just 'I' in the places where it says sleepinlate but I didn't want to put a one-letter word in there. So, instead, I sound like Elmo. "Elmo says...... Elmo likes to......." etc. XD As stated in the word bank, enjoy!