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Friday, January 14, 2011

Plateaus (Metaphor)

I know, I know, popularity is one of the most common wants of all teenagers. But I have been thinking about it way more lately. Partly because I want to get my crush's attention. And partly because I want to be seen as someone who deserves respect, and is independent yet very well liked by a lot of people. I want to appear as someone who knows what they are doing, what they're talking about, and is upbeat and observant. I don't care to get into a ton of drama, or be a queen bee (or anyone who is joined at her hip). I just want to be someone who everyone knows, many like, and who guys think are attractive.

It's not that I get completely walked all over and I'm at the bottom of the totem pole socially. Definitely not. I consider myself lucky compared to some. I have plenty of friends, and good, true friends too. But lately, my life has plateaued. Really, really plateaued. Not that that doesn't happen to 99.9% of the population, I just have this huge desire to go forward. In ways that won't help me in the long (very long) run, but would still make me happy - just because being happy makes me happy. And so the uplifting cycle goes.

So, I have been making big efforts to put myself out there with a different crowd (not bad, not at all, just different and, yes, more popular). So far, so good. In 6th period P.E. I met a ton of other girls who I know and always wanted to get to know better. Again - so far, so good. Guys? Err.... not much has changed. I flirted a lil' bit with my crush on Thursday in science, but I'm still convinced that he has taken to someone else, mostly. He used to seem to be really into me - I would catch him staring a lot, and he would always go out of his way to get my attention. Now, ever since winter break ended, his sights are set somewhere else. He still talks to me a bunch whenever he's near me; I just want to be a lil' better than the competition. She's my friend, so I wouldn't ever turn against her for a guy. I'm just glad she doesn't seem interested in him. Then my hopes would droop. But I make an effort to seem effortless - I'm not sure how well I pull it off, I know it's not too good; but, still getting there, as always. Which is fine, because that bends the line of the plateauing life upward.

Y'all come back now!