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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Hey, Jealousy

I'm not feeling so hot, and I don't want to take it out on the people around me, so I'm gonna blog about it.

So, do any of you remember when I wrote that post "Never Lasts"? If you don't, go read it right now, and come back here to where you left off.

Anyway, my unfortunate predictions came true. So my friend, who my crush has now gone gaga over, just told me that she likes him. It's inevitable that they're going to start dating. Even before she told me this, I was trying to look elsewhere for nice guys. Just as I thought I just might have gotten over him - life comes back and smacks me in the face. This said friend is returning the favor of love. I'm not green with envy - more like red.

I thought she didn't like him. She never showed any sign of that. I was hoping since she didn't show any interest in him, maybe he would back off and give up the act. No such thing occurred. This literally feels like a punch in the upper stomach, only in slow motion. Very slow motion. Slow, aching, prolonging the suffering, like drowning. Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration.

I don't know what wrong with me. I have a lot of great friends - other girls seem to have a really good time around me. But it's just something about the guys. I have maybe 1 guy friend. One. I don't act awkward or anything - I stay perfectly chill and confident. I keep a smile on my face and I sit up straight. I treat them like I would anyone else. Maybe a little flirting if I think they're cute. I just can't seem to understand what it is about other girls that is so terribly attractive that I don't have. Well, that came out sounding conceited, but you get the idea. Then I wondered if I was trying too hard. So I let go a little bit. Zip. Nothing.

I sound desperate - and to a certain degree I am. Probably a high degree. It's just all so frustrating. I'm pretty young, so I don't have much else in my life to think about. I'm really liking that part of adolescence. But I just wish that SOMEONE would frickin' notice me already! I do not live under a rock! I do not hide behing my hair! Obviously I can't be that weird because I'm not one of those girls that everyone avoids and ignores. I'm outgoing and friendly. I hate bragging, but I'm not an ugly person. I don't overload makeup or dress weird or act all fake, like play stupid and put up an act. I am an independent person, but not in the way that I have no friends. I have plenty. And I guess I really should appreciate them more and hold them closer, because when all is said and done those are the people that really matter. Besides, do I see all of them strutting around with a guy by their side. Uh, some. But not all. And that's OK. It's OK for me to be like that too. Besides, relationships at this age have a maximum span of a few weeks.

Well, I feel better already. I promise the next post won't be so self-centered. Anyways, life goes on. And yes, I did use the Gin Blossoms' song as a title on purpose.


  1. Oh, I'm sorry honey. I'm glad that you feel a little better after letting it out though. Take care of yourself!

  2. This wasn't a self-centered post, this blog is yours so it should be about you! As for the guy thing, ugh. I have several theories. One is that because you are an attractive, nice, normal, confident, non-sleezy, girl the guys may be intimidated. You say you smile all the time, that's important. are doing all the right things so it is NOT YOU. The other theory is that you simply haven't come across the right guy yet. I know that doesn't help to hear. I remember being your age and friends (guys and girls) was everything! Just keep being you and I promise that a guy is going to notice (hopefully sooner than later) and jump at the chance to get to know you better.

  3. Thanks so much Barbara! That was such a sincere comment. And by the way I think things are working out ok so far :)

  4. not self centred at all! so get where you are coming from! you are really good at this blog thing (whatever it's called blogging i think? .. anyway) totally get you!

  5. LOL thanks! I've really been enjoying said "blog thing" and it has really been a cool addition to my boring life XD

  6. Banana- we need to hang out again, because ive been feeling the same way the last few weeks! Uggh! Why cant guys see that im not gonna treat them bad, or gossip bout them, and i know u prob remember me as being not-so-pretty, but.... Im not that ugly!

  7. oh, come one, give yourself a little bit more credit...:)


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