Original Intention

Last night I was thinking about the distance my blog has gone so far, and I realized something. I have put but one post up that pertains to my original purpose of creating this blog. That one post is my story of struggle with anorexia, but there is so much more I want to tell the world (or at least bloggers) about. Here goes:

Pro-anorexic websites. No one can stop them from creating them. No one can stop the users from getting involved. And I have also been wondering - can you really be chastised by the law for creating one? I mean, it's not like you are posting child pornography, or encouraging terrorism and homicide. But even still, it is one of the sickest things I have ever seen created. A web page choc full of lies, secrets, depression, starvation (duh), isolation, masking, hiding, harsh self critiquing, obsession, possession, wasting away, lives of people being blown away in the forceful, stormy winds of eating disorders. This god awful encouragement of self destruction. Think I'm exaggerating? Go look it up yourself and see how you feel.

The strange thing is I never went on a pro-ana site during my days of peak frustration. It was when I came out of inpatient that I had a spark of curiosity, and I looked them up. These girls are telling each other how to keep their intentions a secret, so they can continue a slow and painful road to the end of themselves. Over the internet, complete strangers, 'innocently' prodding each other backward in life. Now, I am not at all saying that people who struggle with this problem are bad. Ridiculous. What I am saying is that the horrifying ones are those who advocate others in harming themselves. And, occasionally, some bull shit will come up that says. "oh, well I didn't know it was wrong to encourage it!". WTF?! If you didn't know it was wrong, you would never have felt the need to hide your actions (or at least your identity)! As for the victims, I pity them. A lot. I mean, looking back, I remember what a hellhole my life was when I was deep in the disease. Yet at the same time, I can't help but be pretty jealous of them for one sole reason: their thinness. I haven't gotten past that point yet. But I'm still working.

Anyway, I just wanted to once again mention how sick minded and screwed up this is. I cannot believe what I saw written on some of those sites. Another thing: there is this other blogging/facebook like thing called experienceproject.com. It's a great site, the people are of a polite ilk (mostly), and ethics are encouraged. But.... mind you, there are the biggest CREEPS on that website ever! Freaks, MFs, and just plain sad things. You can create groups, and give it a name such as "I have a broken heart" or "I like classical music" and other people join your group. Weeelllll, my account automatically placed me in a group called "I have an eating disorder". That wasn't the creepy part. Along with automatically placing me in that group, it popped up with all these suggestions fro related groups. Examples: "I want to weigh as much as I did when I was 5", "My mom doesn't know that I have not been eating for a week and counting tee hee", "I'm fat", on and on with these sick, horrible groups. What. The. Hell. And what still picks at my brain is the fact that there is virtually nothing anyone can do. Sure, they can shut down one site, but that doesn't mean they can't pop it right back up! Please talk about this with someone who is knowledgeable on the subject, because it is a topic not known well enough. Little known, but very, very serious. If you even make it to this point in the post, I'm proud of you because you made it through my rant ;). Thanks for reading!
~sleepinl8