Hey, Jealousy

I'm not feeling so hot, and I don't want to take it out on the people around me, so I'm gonna blog about it.

So, do any of you remember when I wrote that post "Never Lasts"? If you don't, go read it right now, and come back here to where you left off.

Anyway, my unfortunate predictions came true. So my friend, who my crush has now gone gaga over, just told me that she likes him. It's inevitable that they're going to start dating. Even before she told me this, I was trying to look elsewhere for nice guys. Just as I thought I just might have gotten over him - life comes back and smacks me in the face. This said friend is returning the favor of love. I'm not green with envy - more like red.

I thought she didn't like him. She never showed any sign of that. I was hoping since she didn't show any interest in him, maybe he would back off and give up the act. No such thing occurred. This literally feels like a punch in the upper stomach, only in slow motion. Very slow motion. Slow, aching, prolonging the suffering, like drowning. Well, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration.

I don't know what wrong with me. I have a lot of great friends - other girls seem to have a really good time around me. But it's just something about the guys. I have maybe 1 guy friend. One. I don't act awkward or anything - I stay perfectly chill and confident. I keep a smile on my face and I sit up straight. I treat them like I would anyone else. Maybe a little flirting if I think they're cute. I just can't seem to understand what it is about other girls that is so terribly attractive that I don't have. Well, that came out sounding conceited, but you get the idea. Then I wondered if I was trying too hard. So I let go a little bit. Zip. Nothing.

I sound desperate - and to a certain degree I am. Probably a high degree. It's just all so frustrating. I'm pretty young, so I don't have much else in my life to think about. I'm really liking that part of adolescence. But I just wish that SOMEONE would frickin' notice me already! I do not live under a rock! I do not hide behing my hair! Obviously I can't be that weird because I'm not one of those girls that everyone avoids and ignores. I'm outgoing and friendly. I hate bragging, but I'm not an ugly person. I don't overload makeup or dress weird or act all fake, like play stupid and put up an act. I am an independent person, but not in the way that I have no friends. I have plenty. And I guess I really should appreciate them more and hold them closer, because when all is said and done those are the people that really matter. Besides, do I see all of them strutting around with a guy by their side. Uh, some. But not all. And that's OK. It's OK for me to be like that too. Besides, relationships at this age have a maximum span of a few weeks.

Well, I feel better already. I promise the next post won't be so self-centered. Anyways, life goes on. And yes, I did use the Gin Blossoms' song as a title on purpose.
~sleepinl8

My Music Remixes

So what I wanted to make my sis for Valentine's day was a couple funky beats to jam to. I went on this free music mixing site, soundation.com, and put together a few tunes. Here they are! By the way, if the second one sounds kind of jumpy and not well blended, there's nothing wrong with your computer. I just did it kind of free-form and didn't really bother to make the tracks match too well. Enjoy and dance!

And the next child prodigy is...

I was dumbstruck. This will knock your socks off - wait, let me rephrase that - more like both of your entire feet off. Just watch it NOW. I command you: watch, sesame!

What did I tell ya? I'm not gonna say I told you so, but... Mmmhhm.
~sleepinl8

No saving face now!

So, as a regular valentine's tradition that my sis and I made up randomly a couple years ago, we each make a homemade gift for each person in the family. Sounds corny and cliche, right? Well, anyway, I decided to make my mom a soap. Sounds innocent enough. Well, I go to Walgreens to get some glycerin, because online it said that was one of the main ingredients. I have no idea what it is or looks like, so I start asking around. "Excuse me? Do you happen to sell glycerin anywhere?" I asked. Little did I know that I had just used the completely wrong tone of voice for what they thought I was asking for. I asked 4 employees, who all gave me funny looks. I thought the looks were just because it was kind of an uncommon thing to ask for. Nope. Wrong again.

So, I'm walking through the store to aisle 7. I look up at the aisle 7 sign, and it reads: LAXATIVES. I think "What the heck? That definitely ain't what I'm looking for. Might as well look anyway." I skip over the laxatives section and look further down the aisle. Zilch. Then my friend's mom caws out a huge cackling laugh, and says "Come here! I found your GLYCERIN! HAHA!". Of course, she's standing right smack in the middle of the laxatives section. Sure enough, there it is, on the bottom shelf: GLYCERIN SUPPOSITORIES. Mind you, at the time I had no idea what a suppository was. I only understood half of why she was laughing so hard. I just smack myself in the forehead, smile, and look down. Just my luck.

So then we're in the car. I open the little bottle of glycerin suppositories. Well, I guess I learned a lot that day, because I immediately knew what a suppository was by the shape of them. A random cry of disgust, belonging to me, comes from the left bucket seat. And, ya get the point.

And all I wanted to do was make soap!
~sleepinl8